God..answers prayers.

ive been with malea for almost 14 months now.
and one thing ive always wanted for her.
and prayed for her is a relationship with God.

and so lately i def. think God is answering my prayers and others.
theres a small group thing in torrrance which shes only attented twice
but its hard for her to make it.

the 2nd time she tells me
that she had a really good time
and that she lead in prayer
that she felt she had to.
aka felt the Holy Spirit.

fast forward
the venice spring retreat is coming
so i offered her to come and if she like bring a friend.
well today she tells me that her mom is going to let her go
which is a huge step in a good direction
i really hope that her mom doesnt flake out on this and
that she can really go.

on sunday. when we did the prayer for her.
i dont know.
ive always had/have faith in God.
and
now i see that God really is listening
andGod really does care
and God does answer prayers

all i can say is.

THANK YOU GOD!

HELLorHIGHWATER..

...meaning going through a difficulty or obstacle.

today. definately a different day. a bad day. a scaryy day. a day leaving me filled with worry.

malea and her mom got into a fight and malea showed up at my house.

she stayed about 2 hrs until she could calm down a little and get away.

as she left. a feeling of brokeness came over me.

i cant help but worry as she is unable to contact me.

one thing that i know. forsure is that ...

..God will take care of her.
i trust HIM

and thats one thing i can never cease to do. just continue to trust God because HE has this planned out. i believe in HIM.


_________________________________________


yesterday and church they had the prayer leaders surround the church and the congregation go up and pray for someone who didnt know God.
and sitting next to noah. pats me on the leg " i know you have someone in mind". that just pulled the tears out of me i have no idea why. but i couldnt have the strenght to get up until he said that to me.
like the words set me free.
i went up and prayed w. the prayer leader.
and its only time .before she knows God.
because God is going to do what He is going to do.
i have to sit and be patient.
i cried so much.
overwhelmed by God.

_____________________________________________________________________


so i guess thats it.
i dunno why i did the top part how it is.
i felt like doing something different.

im out.

theSERPENTservant.

When every thing's gone, anything goes.

Theories without real foundation, blind folds entire nations, idols as big as your bank account is. No compromise.
Your gods resemble humanity, the irony is they are inferior and nonfunctional in their making. Are we here by chance?
That would make our circumstance absolutely worthless, flesh n blood without purpose.
Are you part of no bigger scheme?
Don't bother with self esteem, are we all but fading dreams.
The vastness of space, the delicacy of your face, the artistry of nature, all without a painter.
from sunrise to sunset are we part of this big accident?
When everything's gone, anything goes.

anything goes by impending doom

ive been trying to get into harder stuff. and impending doom. is where i want to be. i absolutely love their lyrics. and the music only stretches me into the Christian Death Metal genre. which is as hard as we can go. so hopefully i can get into them.





so anyway. i dont know went on this week.
me and malea fighting a lot.
too much.
just about everything imaginable.
and it has sucked really bad.
and this weekend i havnt seen her.
and the last time seeing her was friday morning.
im just worried about us.
i love her so much.
and ..
im scared.
but im trusting her
and God.

friday at six flags was fun.
with kim, jessica, and my new friend julia.
part of me feels bad
that i have a lot of friends that are girls.
i just dont want malea to worry
because
i love her more than anything

i dunno what to say.
im out.

30 hr famine.

for me the famine was really good.
when i arrived the anxiety of speaking started to kick in.
but i knew that i had to get up there and do it for God.
and it went pretty well.
mellisa got me thinking about how its personally affected me.
and i couldnt find the words to answer the question at the Q&A time.
but after some thinkingg i got it.
that seeing homeless people as humans we first think of judging
and looking down on them
but in the eyes of God we are ALL equal.
and that doing this ministry has helped me see
that im no better than anyone else.
and that i need to continously put myself in my place.

that night i always thought the worship was insane.
i really like to move to the music and give my all
because its worship
for God.

it was chill that night just to talk to people.
catch up w. peeps.

it was cool chillin with the guys before sleepin
jus messing around and bein dudes.

saturday.
i got up and i was so sleepyy
cuz we went to sleep at like after 3am aha.
oh well. and we got up a lil past 8

the community service was cool
talking with older people at the convelescant home
it was kinda depressing for me.
it isnt really my type of ministry.

hmm got back had to help out w. the chairs for the chapel
which took a long time but was accomplished.

hmm then we just chilled and then worshipp.
thenn we ate.
the food was decent.
i think i disliked it more than others.

but after that we headed to bens which was cool
to hang out w. the guys again.
jus chill and eat.
and the food was amazing
but i got so tireddd.

so like as soon as i got in the car it was a blurr.
haha
got home and knocked out for 3 hrs ish maybe longer.

then got online.
and had an interesting conversation with catherine.
about relationships.
and lasting through highschool.
i dunno
deep conversations like that
really get me.
i love them
no matter who the person is
i love it.

alright i really need to shower and get some rest.
im outt

GOOD.GOD,..

if your song leaves our lips
If your work leaves our hands
Then we will be wonders and vagabonds
They will stare and say how empty we are
How the freedom we had turned us up as dead men
Let us be cold, make us weak
Let us, because we all have ears
Let us, because we all have eyes
How they knew that this would happen
We're so run down
Good God! Can you still get us home?
How can we still get home
I'm not dreaming
We're forgetting our forgiveness

i think we've all heard the expression that God works in the weirdest of ways. well today i think that i definately experienced that.
for the 30hr famine coming up i have to speak. and i found out on monday and havnt really done anything about it till today.
earlier today i was talking to a friend of mine about God and everything cause everytime i talk to her we seem to talk about God and religion and what not.
so i was talking about how i had to speak and we were jus talking about what i was going to talk about. and talking to her about what i was going to talk about gave me the outline for my speach.
i feel like God placed me in that conversation so that i could have my outline for tomorrow.
its either me being lazy .
or God working his magic in the weirdest of ways.
all i can say is
that God is really workin his magic haha.

well i think thats it.
im really looking forward to doing the 30hr famine.
i think im not gunna eat in the morning so itll push my time up to
42 hrs. and im gunna do the fast with just water.
im ready.
well im out lata.

theABILITYtoCREATEaWAR

SAVE ME
I am LOST in the MIND of a MONSTER
SAVE ME

i dont think my thoughts in my head can reach all the way down to my fingertips to release these thoughts.
the complexety
the guilt
the shame.
overwhelming

im sick
of this
sick
of porn
im sick
of masturbation.
im sick
of this vice.
im sick
of not being able to get rid of it.
im sick
of this guilt
im sick
of this shame
im sick
sick to my stomach.
it makes me sick.

SICK.

thats all that can reach this blog.
thats all.
i think the words are profound enough.
i think ill remember this day.
just like all the others.
i hate days like these.
frickin SATAN.

more lyrics. because they know how i think.

Your scarlet soaked and bold
and the sheep's eyes locked to mine, sink to my bones.
Though your lips still drip, intentions, they keep me wanting more...
It's rising against all the walls we built for falling.
All the walls we built just stand in vain to draw you near.
It's the wool to hide the wolves.
And under these toes from where we last spoke, Your words laid so firm.
But I did not shed that skin like You said.
When the mason neglects the mortar, looks become deceiving
and when the bricks start to fall,
I'll be the one crawling down this road so dark.
Vices like vipers
Speak in whispers.
My heel's the meat to sink their teeth,
Like the viper I kept when You said, "Let go!"
This is what it took for me to see.
WHEN I AM GOD this church is unsound.
Slithering in the shade of a sinking church,
Surprise is no excuse for the traps that you left in the wake of warning.
So this is the warning, You fall to learn.
And to the girls,
You're worth more than the cheap words.
You see your body as beauty, but your pulse is worth more.
Hear me, it's not what it seems, though the feeding tastes of honesty.
This is the warning, you're just a hit to coax my urgency.
Why do we keep what holds us? Why do I keep what holds me down?
Lose the weight of defeat. It's time to stand your ground!
Vices like vipers
Speak in whispers.
My heel's the meat to sink their teeth,
Like the viper
I kept when You said, "Let go!"
Since all the alibis of ignorance are void...
This, my lust, the pornos and the sluts.
Take, my lust, this world's Love.
Great Councilor, take what's left.
Great Councilor, take what's left of me

oh, sleeper - vices like vipers

aPRODUCTofCREATEDCIRCUMSTANCES

dez moines. is legit by them. i like it a lot.
i cant wait for the new album.
its gunna be epic.

so last week i was super busy with school and STRESSED as frickk! .
whatever man.
saturday was the sat.
it was wack.
saturday night i met malea's family.

sunday church.
and life hurts God heals.
and it was good for me.
i talked about my moom and how she wasnt there for me in the begining and
it kinda let some stufff out

i dunno im just not in the mood for pooring things out now.
im out.

thingsTOOvisabletoSEE

im not gunna lie ive been slacking.
ive been really busy and really stressed.
still really stressed.

i dont know i jus have a lot going
i dont know what to say.
i really dont
ive missed to much to attempt trying to make up for lost time
i just have been super pressed
and i almost went over the edge today
but i was able to pull myself back together.
i still have SATs to take.
its gunna suck.

im just not who i usually am
stress&school.
is getting to me.
which isnt me.
which sucks.

i dont know.
imout.

CLOUDS

hmm i dont know whats really going on with me.
nothing to much.
today would be 13 months with malea.
amazing isnt it?

a lot of people around me are stressin out.
and me.
i like to jus chill back and become apathetic
but inside. projectt freak me out.
2 projects next week x[

hmm i dunno.
cant i just make a difference in the world
without highschool
without college
without stress.

cant i jus reach out.
and LOVE
LOVE like never before
show GOD's LOVE
thats all i want
is to LOVE
LOVE EVERYONE
help EVERYONE.

but life is so much more complicated.
i jus want to LOVE
as GOD wants me to do.
i want to just go out and LOVE
for the rest of my life.
without a stress
without a worry

Is your love really LOVE?
Is my love really LOVE?
I think our love isn't LOVE,
Unless it's LOVE to the end.

of the sea.

this album is sick :]

today was an interesting day. 

church today. was i dont know. 

i like the idea. 

but i dont like the idea of lhaving linda lead us. 

after we recorded that wonderful vid . 

hmm then i went to o bed bath & beyond for 2 hrs. 

and i found this really cool wall hanging metal thing. 

and it was super expensive. 

but i really wanted  it for my wall. 

and i  cant wait to hang it up

cuz its gunna look legit. 

ill upload a pic when we post it up. 

hmm then i got home kinda chilled. 

and did homework. then ate. 

then jus kinda 

talked to Catherine helped her out

shes really stressin

& txtin emily helping her out to. 

cause she has it rough.

im trying to spread the love to the maxx again. 

do more for other people and help

because that is what God is calling me to do. 

i miss malea. she broke her charger and her phone is dead

so i pretty much havnt said anything to her today

i miss her alot

and im in love w. her. 

life is going good right now. 

i dont know what to say.

i feel good. 

well i guess thats it. 

im out :]