its been a long while. [IMPORTANT]

heres the deal. i jus havnt felt like blogging but today i fell like i s hould

this is what is up. 

me and malea. are really good. and. she says, that she's never met anyone who made her feel the way that i make her feel and no matter what she will always . and im really hoping that those arnt just words. that she really means what she said. because im really putting alot into her now. and im really vulnerable. she could really hurt me bad if things went wrong. but she says , that whatever we go through were gunna fight it out and stay together. and..i really hope she means it because.

i love her. 

i really do. 

i dunno. 

i really hope we make it. 

im good for now. im out. 

later

i think

well. 

something hit me. i was watching an episode of house. and the guys gf dies. 

and like. it hit me. 

that she really means so much to me. 

a few kind words

i was talking to one of my friends that is a girl. and she told me that her and one of my other friends thats a girl. were talking about me and malea. and  how happy me and her area always are together and how loving we treat each other. and well she went on to say how one day they hope they can get into a relationship like the one me and malea are having now. 

so i think thats a pretty swell compliment. 

but anyway. 

two projects. to do. this weekend. ugh 

i want to get them done!!!!

 

ehh i guess im done. 

its been awhile..again

its been awhile i dunno why i havnt been blogging i jus havnt felt the need. 

well....school is winding down. something like ..12 days or something. and well. i dunno it doesnt seem real. i will be reall happy when we get out. 

malea is going through not cutting. and.. yea its hard for her. 

she threw away the blade. 

but its still gunna be a long rode. 

ugh i still have 2 projects i kinda have to do. religion and english. and well. i think. i better do one during the week. but the week is slowly or fastly about to finish. 

the glorious unseen is pretty good. not my usualy christian music. but i like

hmm twloha.ive been reading..their comments on myspace and facebook. and its sad the things people go through. 

eh well. i dont really feel like doing this any father right now. so im off. 

later

the party scene

not for me

i dont know. how to title these

im seriously make this short 

i def want to say

malea problems

and. 

that i def like talking religion with people

i love talking religion with people

the end. 

im out

wow its been along time [ASD leak]

a skylit drive finally leaked. 

got my hands on it. 

its pretty tight

uhhh this week  is going by slow

and

party friday

and game saturday

malea is supposed to go again

and im really tired. 

and im gunna start working out at the Y starting tomorrow.

and yea. 

im tired

im out

so. not so good

well. last night wasnt too good

i went to bible study and realized that i wasnt living my life for God. i was pretty much living it for malea. 

so when i got home i called her and told her. and. i think like. i didnt expect that she would react the way she did. she started like blaming herself for it. when i tried to explain to her that its my responsibility its my walk with God. but. she insisted if it wasnt for her i would be in a better place. which lead her to thinking about braking up with me. because thinks that i deserve someone better than her. when im perfectly happy with her. and deeply care alot about her. and love her. but she thinks that i should i have somone better. but. i want her. and she doesnt understand how great of person she really is. that everyone has problems. and some people have more than others and i understand that she has alot of problems and thats why during these 3 months shes had alot of problems and ive stuck it out with her and kept holding her. i never let go. well... i talked to nicko. thanks. and then she called back later. 

and she was still really unsure what to do. (not to mention how much crying i was doing because. i didnt see this coming) well. we go on. and we talk about how she wants to be closer to God. and. that. its a hard thing for her to try to become closer to him. she said she has to face alot of problems and things. and she was/is worried that i would give up on her. and i assured her that i would do everything i can to help her. and that i would never give up on her. she said that she would never give up on herself. so. thats good. so she came to the conclusion that we wouldnt brake up we would stick it out. 

yea. but now im really worried that things could get worse really fast so i dont know. whats happening. 

and i jus dont want it to be.. awkward . and yea. 

i really do love her. 

and. i wouldnt want to brake up with her. 

and she says that she loves me. 

im out later

so yesterday

main thing t hat is still going through my head is that religion project. yesterday the teacher comes up to me and blames me for my partners not doing my work. that i "didnt give them a chance" more like. one of them didnt do crap so i had to do it before no one did anything. and i did maleas cuz she was gunna do the board. but our other partner didnt do crap. and i think when she talked to him she gave him a sob story and crap. and i think.. like. if she did im really pissed cuz she never had any intention on doing anything. but whatever im pissed about that. 

so yea. 

uhh pretty much this week is going by fast. and it rocks. like. the past like 2 or 3 weeks before have been unbelievable. and now. im finally getting a brake it and feels so good. 

pretty much didnt have any hw last night

i jus had to print out my reasearch paper. 

i feel like... i dont know. i fell like im missing something with it. or something. but. i dont know im jus nervous on how tight she is gunna grade it. 

hmm the other classes were chill yesterday i guess. 

well two more days then the weekend. yesssss

we only have like a month left of school. heck yea. 

well. im off later

ehhh. its tuesday. i cant think of a title.

sooooooo. 

woke up. haha. i have such a hard time getting up the morning. it is the worst part of the day. 

i drank an ice coffeee in first period. so good

uhh. first learned stuff. i got home and didnt even remember how to do the homework

2nd. quiz. i got a 18/25 if i got the easy true false right i woulda had a 21. frick. im an idiot stained glass window. is almost done

3rd english. 6/5 on quiz. researchpaper is due thursday. im already done with it

4th camba. is whatever

5th test. it was harder than i thought. but i think i did okay i didnt study at all

6th. didnt do anything. haha my spanish teacher has a podcast like wtheck

uhh got home. did homeowrk

slept

didnt eat much. i dunno. im jus kinda. sad for her. 

i was about to rejoice and say i didnt have a quiz or anything tomorrow. but i do. i have two. haha every freakin day every day.

well. i dunno

ocean is theory is tight. 

im off later

Oh Yea, the Religion project

it was due friday. andi think i talked about how the presentation didnt go too well. 

well. yesterday at school the teacher was asking us which biographies we did. and. i had to lie. i guess. so that darlene who didnt do anything go credit. but ithink he is suspicious of something. 

i jus dont want to get in trouble. 

ugh. im done. 

im out

Not so Good Monday

well im gunna start from right now. i guess or im gunna start with malea

her and her family were undergoing...family services stuff. and. it was because she was sent to choices and told stuff to the school therapist. and the therapist had to call the police. so anyway. i guess her mom is really upset and wont talk to her anymore. 

and that sucks

so she really isnt  doing good. and its hard for me to see her like this. 

but. i really dont want to talk about this anymore. 

school went by fast. but i really dont feel like applying myself anymore. i have totally given up on it i think. 

like i havnt studied for chem. or. english or religion. 

but i dont know. impretty sick of school

im really sick of school.

but . i jus havnt given up yet. haha

well. i dont know . back to rock. 

ocean is theory

im jus not really in a good mood. because of what she is going through

well im out later

hopefully this week is not so stressful

so. pretty much got the grades the other day not so good

Honors Algebra 2 - A-  90%

Church  History - C+ 78%

English B  85 %

World History and Cultures - C+ 79%

Chemistry- A- 92%

Spanish 2 - B- 80%

pretty much church history and world history are high c+s so i can get them to a B- by the end of the year. no problem

spanish should be a A. but. some bad teacher doesnt teach anything. so. im doing worse. and i jus dont want math or chem to drop to a B+ . and my math grade is weighted at the end of the year too. so the higher math i have the better. cuz last semester i igot a B-

but whatever. 

today is alexs bday. i jus called him

and. 

since i did my research paper which is due thursday and my history project which is due next monday. i shoudlnt have to stress so much. except that i have a chem test tomorrow. and a crap load of homework. hopefully i can get my hands on someone else's chem packet. yea.

hmm .. what else..i dunno. i think im already falling out of the rap phase. oh

i should go

i ahve to go ssoon

late start!!!

atribecalledquest/gnarls barkley

yea some sorta old rap. and gnarls barkley ispretty cool. 

yesterday during the day i did nothing to chill. looked forward to malea coming. and then.... she couldnt come. so whatever. i cant force her to come. but anyways.  game was good. i dunno. it made me think about calling someone .which i probably will later today. 

and. then i got home and mom tells me that.. caitlins mom. has terminal cancer. and. yea i dunno. i jus cant imagine what caitlin or megan can be going through right now. but anyway. 

i think thats it. 

basically malea dissapointed me

and bad news. i dunno

so im out later

super emotional day

who cares about thursday

today. was pretty bad.

first quiz

but second was the  killer i think no not even. we had our project due. and the presentation went to crappy. it was unbelievable. 

so whatever.

thrid was alright

fourth thefrickin history poster baord was too small. that like at least 3 hrs of my life on thursday was all for NOTHING i was super pissed. super pissed.

whatever i went to 5th. and i kinda started taking my anger  out on people

6th jus pissed me off more. spanish is such a pain.

then we got out. and. i took my anger out on malea not on purpose and yea i had to leave cuz i carpool. and she wasnt talking to me. so we left each other on a bad note. so pretty much

i got home and i started working out cuz i do that when im pissed . and she calls me

and we talk it out. and i started crying but i dont think she knows.

so i talked to her for a long time. 

then what . i finished that dang poster board for history

now were talking.

and ugh

i dunno

she's kinda depressed and stuff cuz of family stuff. and she cuts. and. i saw it the other day. on her leg. and. i almost cried. like. i dont think. ive seen it so bad on someone before. like ive had friends before. like one line or something. but this was like 4 or 5 lines. and yea that isnt good. so were talking about it. and i want to be accoutable to her about this. so i asked her to call me when she thinks about it. but she doesnt want to be  a burden on me. so i dont know how many of the times shes gunna call me. and it really hurts me. it really does. 

so tomorow is game. 

and she is supposed to go

hopefully. God can really do something for her (suddenly got teary)

and .

that would be the most amazing thing. 

like. i have no words for how much that would mean to me. 

i def. need Him too. ive been really lackin in my Walk lately. and. i don tknow. i dont know what to do. i need game

oh and me and my friend were talking cuz we were both stressed and we talked about like how crazy were getting about comtemplating suicide and stuff.

i jus dont see a use for all of this school. 

and im really on the edge of giving up. 

but im not gunna kill myself dont worry.

i seriously need help now. 

and only God can do that for me. 

i need Him

im out later

rocketships and radios

lets start with ..tuesday.

the history test was open note/partner. and i still got a B-. pretty lame. his tests are so hard. 

uhh what else. tuesday i worked on my history project so i finished the writing part . which took me about 5hrs with the combination of multitasking. 

yea thats about it. i guess for tuesday

for yesterday.

school was alright. i guess. i dont even remember. haha

well i got home and worked on my...research paper cuz we did pier editing. and i had to paraphase more and write lead ins to the quotes. that took about an hr+

then we were supposed to read a tale of two cities which is pretty boring. but i skimmed my friends book and read sparknotes.  so i should be okay for the reading quiz today. and in spanish i have a like 50 question quiz. 

i got a two hr nap yesterday that felt really good.

after that me and dad tried to go get some 31 cent ice cream scoops. at..  baskin robins. 

yea and then 

we watched ghost hunters

and then malea

brought up the not seeing each other alot again

and it effects her alot. and she was pretty upset. 

but. i think its okay now. 

hmm music wise

im wanting something with a syn and a beat so for now its techno/powerpop stuff.

but i will be looking into some rap/r&b soon.

buti think thats it im off