a calling.

for some reason this morning God wanted me to hear the message.
my calling... i feel is to do something different. something new. as my career.
but exactly what.. i dont know. im starting to doubt that its social work.

today has just be a good day.
wake up early. worship was good. and i enjoyed the message.
which wasnt my expectation when i heard it was gary gaulton.

2nd slot at church.
centinela cafe with noah. haha. fun.
chilli cheese fries.
practicing vbs stuff.
chillin w. the hs.

3rd slot.
lead the kids for worship. :]
thenn more chill time w. high schoolers.

got home.
took a nap :]

woke up.
oh, sleeper on surround sound.
homework.
dinner.

outside in the patio.
relaxing to the peaecfullness.
of being outside and the home surround sound carrying to the outside :]

beautiful .

the hope that lies in YOU.

so im attempting to read purpose for the pain for the second time :].

something from there that i loved.

God, make me SHINING star in the universe, give me ears to hear, eyes to see, and a heart to understand.

an escape =

my friends. <3

fragility of life.

going online yesterday. i IMed what i thought to be as emily. and turned out being her friend gina. who says that she is looking for someone. and asked if i could help. and my response being.. sure i can help but i probably cant find who you are looking for.. im all the way in cali. and she says .. .is your name Ryan?... yes.. i have to tell you something... at that moment... my heart drops. and the only thing i can think of is that.. emily died. thank God. it wasnt that.. but infact she was in the hospital and that gina had found her at home...passed out and gina called 911. emily lost a lot of blood and.. that her heart might not fully recover from the amount of blood loss. but.. shes doing pretty good now....as far as i can tell. im just really scared.

me personally think that i take granted how fragile life is. not just for myself. for the people around me. and for that reason i believe that is why when we lose someone we love we sometimes want to blame someone.. which ends up being God. but what i have learned is that life is so fragile and each day that im here.. each second that i am here.. i have something to be grateful for. im not promised anytime here on earth and no one is.

today i have been extremely out of it and i think its because with the situation with emily.. it opened my eyes to seeing the fragility of life.

by the way i find it ... amazing that i subconciously wrote "opened my eyes".
God opened my eyes.