for some reason i dont want to blog.

i guess there is just a lot on my mind. and i cant control it.
im hating it.

lately ive been really sick of not living. with everything i have for God.
i feel like.
school is holding me back from somuch more.

i just want to do more.
.. i dont know.
i feel like God is pushing me .
but.. i have no idea what direction im heading.

before i have a volcanic eruption

im prettyyy sick of some people getting on my nerves lately.

hate it when...
people push me to say things that i dont want to say.
and when i say it. it messes shit up.
well.. maybe that was the effing reason i didnt want to say it.
ever think of that?

im tired of people telling me how i feel.
because you dont know what the frick is going on with me.
i dont bother telling you how i feel.
there is no way you could possibly understand me.
because i feel the way i do because this is me.
im not you.
nor will i ever be.

tireddd of bullshittttt.

a blessing.

last night i wasnt in the best moood. its the truth.
hard to hear of heart breaks.
its break up season. fyi.
umm.

so anyways. mari anna randomly fb messaged me. and thanked me for helping on sunday. which was no problem at all.
uhh then she kinda asked about what happened with malea.
and she gave me a verse. and it was pretty relaxing last night.
i think it really helped me be able to go to sleep.

Psalms 63:1-8
O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.

² I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.

³ Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.

⁴ I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.

⁵ My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

⁶ On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.

⁷ Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.

⁸ My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.

this was kinda part of my prayer last night :]

the end.
off to school :/
denim day.
readyy to get hated on for the jeans . ha

future.

for a long time now ive been wanting to intern at to write love on her arms. andd.. highschool is coming to an end.
i have to start making decisions of my own..
one thing that bothers me.
is my concern of making my parents proud.
and right now.
i think i want to intern for to write love on her arms. out of high school.
which would require me missing a semester of school.

sigh.

life future.
owning a concert venue.
and the idea of it being a church jus came from me and stevie talking
i guess last night laying in bed after prayed.
it came to me that i could be a pastor.
the concert venue would encourage people to go to church.
but... more of a chill back.
like service once a month.
small group.
thats what came to me last night. haha.

i dont know.